All the Vampires

Last Friday, while trying on a pair of jeans, I stepped on a piece of a broken security tag laying on the dressing room floor. I don't know if you've seen how those things are put together, but one side is essentially a needle. And that's the side I stepped on. And it went up into my foot. Like an inch.

This didn't hurt as badly as you'd imagine. It hardly bled at all, and I just put some peroxide and a bandaid on it. The needle wasn't rusty. But now I'm convinced I'm getting tetanus. I feel a little achy--is that a symptom? I haven't looked the symptoms up on WebMD, because I'll definitely start thinking I have them.

I'm such a hypochondriac.

A couple of weeks ago at work, one of my coworkers was telling me about his leg pain. "Maybe you have a blood clot," I said. Which is something I totally would've said to Mike back in the day, and the kind of thing I think about all the time. But I forgot who I was talking to, and he just looked at me like I was insane. Later I heard him muttering about it. "A blood clot," he said, looking at me and shaking his head. "Who says that?"

And that reminds me of another work story, which has nothing to do with illness, but in which I looked like an idiot. One of the design girls had a small figure of Patrick, from SpongeBob, which expanded in water. She had expanded it, and then removed it from the water, and it hardened and shrunk.

Someone had written "I Love Horses" across Patrick's chest, and when Design Girl was showing it to me, she touched his chest. "He loves horses," she said.

"And his boyfriend, too." I added.

The girl holding Patrick and the other design girl in the cube just looked at me blankly.

I knew at that point that I just looked lame, but now I had to explain. "Like that song," I said. "Loves horses, and her boyfriend, too."

They got it then, but there was no point.

I hate when I try to be funny (or at least slightly amusing) and no one catches on.