Growing Up
"My dad just gave me this book How to Win Friends and Influence People," my friend Melissa told me. She was scornful. "Whatever. Why would he give that to me?"
"Yeah," I said, equally scornful. I didn't know what the book was, exactly, but it sounded dumb. "Whatever."
We were about twenty-one, in college, and this book seemed like the ultimate in stupidity. A book for people all beaten down by the system, submitting to stupid rules of business. People we would never be.
Fast forward seven years.
I just finished the first three chapters of How to Win Friends and Influence People, along with two other Dale Carnegie books with similar titles, and I must say, they're pretty good. Sometimes everything I'm thinking about gels, comes together in the same places, over and over again--like a theme. And that's what's been happening lately.
Back at my old job, I had a very bad boss. She was negative and critical, she talked only about herself, she expected perfection from herself and others and was ungracious when she didn't get it. It scared me, because I could see small parts of her in myself, and I was (and am) determined not to become like her.
I'd kind of forgotten about that until I started reading HtWFaIP, and then I remembered her, and thought about how she should read this books and put the principles into practice.
But even without thinking about the woman who is my anti-role model, I've been thinking a lot about the value of being open, uncritical, positive. I've seen people be amazingly gracious to me when I don't deserve it. Over and over I keep hearing (and seeing) the same things, and I hope they're sinking in.
I learned stuff in college, and in high school, and it was all interesting and crucial in my development. But a lot of it was apart from me. It was intellectual and deep. It was philosophers and artists, religion and social movements. And I examined my faith, and thought about things. But this post-college life has been about a self. What I feel, how I conduct myself, even how my body works. All my baggage and insecurities, relationships, friends, loneliness, how I work, how important my family is.
This is Mel. I feel like my 20s are and have been about getting to know her and the way she relates to others. Getting her thoughts on various life stuff figured out. Going through these growth periods where everything seems to revolve around a theme.
If each decade continues like this, I'm going to know so much when I'm 80.
"Yeah," I said, equally scornful. I didn't know what the book was, exactly, but it sounded dumb. "Whatever."
We were about twenty-one, in college, and this book seemed like the ultimate in stupidity. A book for people all beaten down by the system, submitting to stupid rules of business. People we would never be.
Fast forward seven years.
I just finished the first three chapters of How to Win Friends and Influence People, along with two other Dale Carnegie books with similar titles, and I must say, they're pretty good. Sometimes everything I'm thinking about gels, comes together in the same places, over and over again--like a theme. And that's what's been happening lately.
Back at my old job, I had a very bad boss. She was negative and critical, she talked only about herself, she expected perfection from herself and others and was ungracious when she didn't get it. It scared me, because I could see small parts of her in myself, and I was (and am) determined not to become like her.
I'd kind of forgotten about that until I started reading HtWFaIP, and then I remembered her, and thought about how she should read this books and put the principles into practice.
But even without thinking about the woman who is my anti-role model, I've been thinking a lot about the value of being open, uncritical, positive. I've seen people be amazingly gracious to me when I don't deserve it. Over and over I keep hearing (and seeing) the same things, and I hope they're sinking in.
I learned stuff in college, and in high school, and it was all interesting and crucial in my development. But a lot of it was apart from me. It was intellectual and deep. It was philosophers and artists, religion and social movements. And I examined my faith, and thought about things. But this post-college life has been about a self. What I feel, how I conduct myself, even how my body works. All my baggage and insecurities, relationships, friends, loneliness, how I work, how important my family is.
This is Mel. I feel like my 20s are and have been about getting to know her and the way she relates to others. Getting her thoughts on various life stuff figured out. Going through these growth periods where everything seems to revolve around a theme.
If each decade continues like this, I'm going to know so much when I'm 80.
posted by Melanie at 10:35 PM
